Hello,

I think it is funny when we notice people noticing us. I don’t know what happened but I have found myself being more aware of other people’s glances and looks from afar. Hell I don’t know if I can write a whole blog on this but I am sure I’ll come up with a few topics.

I am not sure if other people notice my looks at them, I look at a lot of the people normally in the face. I read somewhere that the human mind picks up being looked at most of the time. I guess that is why you can look at someone in a bus or vice-versa and they will often turn their head to return the look. I guess I really noticed it again last night on the train (yes I am still writing and yes I am on the train, I need something mentally stimulating to do). Their was a fair looking readhead who I think was 2 years older than me sitting across the aisle. Being my observant self (I like to listen to other’s conversations, but who doesn’t) she was travelling with her mother. It might have had something to do with the glass as well but I often caught her looking at me.

I don’t know if it was something about being on the train or if I smelled or something but I also caught lots of looks from other people. I have noticed it on the normal train too on the way to the blue mountains.

I don’t really know what to make of it from my POV. Maybe it is just some mental note I had been trashing all these years or maybe it is something about me. I would like to think it is the second one. Maybe an increased confidence in myself? Geez that is an ego boosting statement eh?

But anyways I am very thankful to Ross for solving the problem of what I thought was my appendix. He informed me that when I am exercising, namely tramping, the body shuts down the blood flow to the stomach in favor of the muscles. Thus if you eat something high in fat or protein, or especially a combination of the two, it just sticks in your stomach because it has no way to deliver the nutrients to your body.

That was the cause of the pain I have felt in my stomach. I will still get it checked out but I am relieved to find that it probably is dietary. That is what I had expected after all. He also helped by showing me the locations of a few organs so that was kind of neat.

I think one of the hardest things in life I am going to have to get over in order to be a better person is to stop comparing others to myself or reverse. I think I have always used it to justify my position or choices in life. But as I continue to read it can be a negative paradigm in which to view others. It might also lead to conscious alienation or judgment of that person. I am working harder to reduce the amount of unnecessary judgment I do but I also think it is important for myself in a competitive aspect to compare myself to others. Maybe one day I won’t need that but right now I am able to leverage that as a motivation to improve my own skills in some way.

I think one of the most fun things in life is finding someone that is better than you. Of course better than you is a subjective term and is completely based on arbitrary bounds but I think most people could relate to that situation. That is one thing that I feel I have really learned from my trip. In two fields especially, social and volleyball.

I’ll start with volleyball because I like it better and because sports analogies are relatable. It is always good to play against people who are more athletically or technically skilled than you as it allows you to learn from their form. Especially if it is a perfected technique that can be passed. I think the best and most thankful asset I picked up in NZ Volleyball was passing. Keith, an older guy who I played with on Thursdays, I quickly assessed as a dynamite passer. Don’t get me wrong he is an amazing overall player but his passing was always consistent. I was fortunate enough for him to help me out and give me some pointers. Mainly to get behind the ball, use a wider feet stance, be quicker on the ball, and to aim where I am passing. It definitely helped improve my successful passes and I am thankful for that.

The other bigger issue, although Volleyball is a huge issue J, is socially. I was very surprised at the range of social attitudes I encountered as well as the variety of personalities. I think the most important thing I learned was to include people in my life. I will have to be proactive. People want to meet others and have fun but they don’t always want to make the initial move. In the future I will have to be more proactive in planning things, inviting people to join even the mundane things in life, and being fun and open.

I guess the paradigm behind those attitudes is a big deal as well. One paradigm would be to see these other people I am trying to include in my life as resources to be used to further my gain in some way. I have definitely been guilty of this viewpoint with various people. The other paradigm is that it is better to have people involved in your life. I don’t think that is the complete paradigm but it is where I am at now in my understanding. Only through living differently will I be able to learn more. But I have now seen people who lived better socially than me and I liked their outcomes. And thus I want and I will incorporate those outcomes in my life.

All the best,

-Mathias