Hello All,

So I have to say that the last 4 days have been some of the most challenging I have experienced in Wellington thus far.

Friday and Saturday of the weekend last I spent cleaning and enjoying myself. I did a lot of reading and Saturday was a gorgeous day so I went down to the waterfront and read in the sun and people watched for a few hours. Then I went to a new grocery store, Moore Wilsons, which is kinda a cross between a Sam’s Club and a Whole Foods/Trader Joe’s. It was too expensive for my taste, but I got some legit cheddar cheese and some mung beans.

I then took the Bus over to Pak n’ Save in Kilbirnie and loaded up on all of the cheap food there. Saturday night I cooked and felt really good about myself and my day.

Sunday was not so nice. It was sprinkly rainy out so not too much fun. I went to volleyball which was nice, did a little cooking, and read but I felt like something in my mind had changed.

Monday continued much the same way. I honestly can only contribute this feeling to waking up on the wrong side of the bed? But I think subconsciously it has to deal with the fact that I have to go back to reality in 8 weeks.

This is not to say that this reality is bad, maybe it is that I don’t really want to deal with that change. Maybe it is the fact that for the first time I see that limit to my time here. I think it might be that. Just the fact that I am leaving what reality I have constructed for myself here.

With that being said, I have this shadow effect that is constantly bombarded of amazing memories from the past 4 or so years of my life. Fun sporadic events that I haven’t thought of in a while come rolling in like the waves, but at more random intervals. These make me smile, but it now is only a short term happiness.

I think another aspect of it would be my involvement. I think I somewhat need to be needed. I definentely do not think I am alone in this aspect and it doesn’t consume me, but I do like to be in leadership positions. It is a natural extension of who I am and I drastically miss that.

It also comes down to how I reenergize myself mentally, spritually, emotionally. I don’t know what it is exactly and I thought I had it figured out on Saturday that I recharge by organizing my life and taking it easy. But that seemed really short term. I think volleyball has a lot to do with it as well, but maybe it isn’t the game so much as it is the team aspect.

I just plain don’t feel energized right now towards too much in my life. Throughout my cultural adjustment process I have experienced highs and lows, which is very common, but this one feels a bit too extended for my comfort, but maybe it is just another phase of adjustment.

I know that there is also the problem of readjustment once I get back to the states and I am not looking forward to that, but hopefully it will come easier than my adjustment here (I think it will).

However, I think the most likely reason for my lack of energy is my effort to improve myself has just reached another plateau. I feel like my relationships are in good phases, being nicer and more open is becoming easier, and overall things continue to work out. I am thankful for a continued grace that seems to flow through my life. This new plateau means that I will have to work even harder to get to the next level of being a better person and I am not quite sure where that is going to be. And that is hard.

Anyways, I know now that I have settled into to Life here I don’t write nearly as often as I should, but I think that is common. I do hope that this feeling goes away soon because constantly thinking about many different things on different levels of thought gets tiring.

Love ya All!

-Mathias