Hello All,

Nelson is kinda boring compared to Welly. So I am sitting in an internet cafe paying an outrageous amount for internet to write this.

First with the events. I was the last one to board the Ferry this morning as I missed the transfer bus from the rail station (it left early btw!). When I checked my bag I forgot to grab my day bag so I didn’t have my camera but it was beautiful. I spent most of my time up on the observation deck. It was very windy and there were more people on board than actually seats on the boat. I didn’t have any particular conversations as most people were families or couples.

The views were absolutely gorgeous. As we pulled out of the Wellington Harbour I looked across the water and saw the mountains and the sky and the sea and it was seriously out of a painting. I got on the bus fine, it was just outside, and had an interesting conversation with a German girl/woman (she had a ms but I am not sure how old, mid 20’s maybe???). The bus ride was good, I felt sick and had a headache for it (I haven’t ridden this far outside of the city in a while and I was tired). The views were also fantastic, not as exquisite as the ferry but still awesome!

We arrived in Nelson and I set out for my hostel. I found it easily enough, after walking the wrong way a little bit. I really felt the weight for that walk! I checked in and purchased a BBH card. The place seems really nice with good amenities, but the sound is what counts. And it has free breakfast.

I spent the rest afternoon (after 4) exploring Nelson as best I could on foot, no public transportation. I saw the Cathedral and walked through town. It is nice but small and rather quiet after 5. Make that deadly quiet as I was the only one on the street. I just ate dinner at a independent Burger place. It was venison and good along with onion rings.

This brings me to the reasoning for writing this blog. I’m gonna be honest in two ways. I may not finish because this internet ticker is fing ridiculous. $2 already. Second is the fact that I have wanted to share this information for awhile but haven’t found the time or the motivation.

It wasn’t until I started traveling again that my brain retook to the idea of interdependence. Actually it happened the other night in Welly too, but these past few days have been busy. Pretty much all my life I have been fairly independent. I really am not afraid to try new things without other people. However, recently it had clicked in my brain that I need a significant other. I really don’t know if this is maturity in my thought process, or not. I think it is.

I think it may also come from the fact that traveling is better with someone to share it with and currently I don’t have anyone to directly share this experience with. For example, when you get lost with someone else, it normally turns into a good story. When you get lost by yourself, you have to find your way out.

I understand that I have a close group of friends and family back home and you all keep me going all the time. My Dad, for his continued support in all that I do, My mom and my brother, for the continued caring and love, Holly, for her help with many things in my life, and my best friends, whom provide me endless support (even if it isn’t in straightforward ways(that one is for your Charles)). NOTE: Please don’t read too much into the specifics kthx. Yet unfortunately I don’t have anyone here to share in these wonderful experiences.

I have never really thought about needing a significant other until now. Maybe it is because I am in a fairly vulnerable place in life, but I definitely will take more initiative in looking for someone else.

So, I am not sad or complaining just saying what I truly feel. That traveling alone sometime feels like sailing a ship with the anchor down. It is still effective, but with diminished effect.

On another account, I have been thinking and reflecting a lot on how I act, how I am scripted and wanted to share a few things with you all that you may not know.

I can almost never buy something from a store the first time I go in. I have to visit multiple times before I will buy it. I think that relates to the next thing I have to say.

I often think other people are judging me. Although I know this is not true for some reason I think I am important or remarkable enough to be noticed always. I often think what other people will think of some actions, etc. I think this relates to the following.

I judge people in my mind a lot. Like all the time. I often compare people too myself. I often times see people as worse at life then me or better. I am def not assured that I am the best. Just well above average. I guess I take it that other people think about things as much as I do.

I often think about how I could have acted on a situation differently. Even for simple things I can reenact them dozens of time. I will also do this for things that will be coming up.

I often listen with the intent to respond. Although I am still pretty damn good at the listening component, I still often want to respond with something I have done, etc. I intend to work on this and think I am making strides. Let me know how I am doing.

I think I have a boring personality. Often, I would rather just enjoy quiet time at home then go to a party. I really don’t know why, if I am afraid of the social situations or not? But I like to relax quietly.

I also cannot stand hanging out with people who annoy me. I would rather be by myself than with someone who seriously annoys me. I often wonder how this works for other people, how they can hang out with multiples of people who are simply boring (cannot think beyond basic thoughts (judgement)) and even annoying.

In respect to that I do love gossip about people and things. I almost never further it on but really enjoy watching other people’s reactions once you get there backstory.

I used to think that life had a finite amount of success and that when one person was successful that another could not be. I am sorry for that and am working to change my script.

I really enjoy filling my time up with tasks. I think it is because I like to test myself and my abilities so that later I can compare others accomplishments to mine. But it also stems from a sincere want to be involved with lots of things and to improve them.

I very often blame the person in my life for some part of their bureaucracy. For example I’ll attribute some action or policy as specifically geared against me by that person rather than more rationally looking at the whole. I have very much worked to end this.

I have always gotten along with my academic advisers. I don’t know why but I always seem to get ones that have mutual understandings with me. I am very thankful for them!

I think I have bad handwriting because I didn’t want people to be able to copy my work when I was young. Like seriously kids cheat off of smart people (I had someone try to cheat on my last uni test).

I am terrible bad at relaxing in new circumstances. For example, in a new circumstance I will pretend to know more than I do or be more confident than I am. I have to discover for myself to be comfortable.

I have always found it easier to associate with older people than people my age. I couldn’t tell you why. Others tell me it is because I have an old soul, but I think it could be because most of the time they are more mellowed and less with the bullshit. This is not to say I don’t like people of my own age, but it seems easier with older people. Maybe they have less guards, maybe I see them as less of a threat????

I have never been a very religious person and certainly will not get into that. The things I do support are peoples rights to believe and not believe, and those should never be infringed upon. I also think I hold people who claim to be religious to a higher standard that in all honesty they do not deserve. I now believe the church is simply a way to an end, not an end in itself. Although it helps many people and does great things it is not the only way to live a good life.

With that being said today at the Cathedral I lit a candle for all of you back home and put a prayer on their prayer board. I understand that religion can be a great source of power for many people. I don’t really know what else to say about it.

Anyways please don’t feel obliged an any way to act as a psychiatrist for this information. I am not really sure why I did it. Maybe because I aim to have deeper, better conversations with all of. Also, I think I did it to show myself because the first step toward changing something is admitting it. I am not a crazy person, but I do believe we all have problems and if any of you ever need to talk I will do my best to be there with open ears and unconditional friendship or love, whichever you may need!

If that was too sappy for you let me know. If you enjoyed it let me know.

Anyways, tomorrow I had off to the Abel Tasman track for a 4 day 3 night tramp. I will be sure and take many pictures!

All the best,

Mathias Rost